The Story Behind the Picture and Simple Lessons Learned in Marriage
This may look like a beautiful picture of a family having a blast rafting down the Pigeon Forge River in the Smoky Mountains
And it is.
But what is unseen is the huge and contentious “conversation” about planning this rafting trip that imploded in less than 30 seconds. It involved a tense conversation, a lot of misunderstanding and an almost called off family vacation. Because Byron said, “We are going rafting!” And I was saying, “No, we are not!”
When Byron mentioned that we were going to go on a rafting trip – I immediately envisioned the white water rafting trip of my childhood in Colorado and instantly saw all of our 4 kids being thrown out of the raft and floating down the river without us. I was adamantly against it. Byron was adamantly for it because he envisioned an amazing fun filled family adventure that I was not going to stop the kids from having.
Byron admits he should have probably known I would have responded the way I did without further details of what the rafting trip would involve, but my response took him totally off guard.
It left us at a very difficult crossroads. I didn’t feel that he was listening to my “motherly instinct” concerns and he thought my concerns were “foolish and would be needlessly preventing the family from having a whole lot of fun.”
It’s obvious who ultimately “won” the “conversation” and I wish I had some simple step by step process we followed to get to where we got to but I honestly don’t remember.
But there were a few takeaways to share –
From Spring:
⁃ It is true that sometimes our motherly instincts are a bit dramatic but they do need to be heard and taken seriously and not just “listened to.” Just listening to our concerns, isn’t helping us work through them. What we really need is our concerns discussed and worked through.
⁃ Before I have a reaction and response, I really need to do my research. I am a super fearful person and a lot of my fears are valid concerns, but in this instance they were not.
⁃ I need to be able to effectively communicate my fears so that they can be discussed in a reasonable way and addressed together as a couple.
⁃ Nothing is worth a break down in your marriage – especially something like what to do on a family vacation.
⁃ I’m super thankful for the family memories – the kids had a blast for sure – but I also see this picture and it brings great sadness for the story behind it but also great triumph that we overcame.
⁃ I wanted to marry someone that was different than me and a lot more fearless so that my kids would grow up without a fear filled childhood and be able to do the fun things that I was too scared to let them do – and I need to remember that!
From Byron:
⁃ Know your spouse. Remember your spouse is well intentioned, they love you and evaluate why they are saying what they are saying through that lens. If things are heating up, I need to stop and ask myself -“what is really going on here and what do we need to do to figure it out?”
Marriage takes a lot of work, especially in the area of communication. When Byron and I were discussing the raft trip, He was trying to figure out, “Why doesn’t she want our kids to have fun?” and I was thinking, “Why would he want all of our kids to drown?” Neither of us was helping the other one constructively see what our concerns were.
When we are tired and stressed and busy, it’s the small things that can easily take an unexpected turn and get us heading in the wrong direction! We just need to slow down, put our feelings aside and have patience with one another in how whatever is being discussed is making us feel and why – so that together – we can work it out!
Brokenness Restored 